I’m coming to realize that perhaps one of the most meaningful things in life is to have/raise kids and enjoy the love of family. And it doesn’t get more cyclical and ironic than that. My parents spent so much time and effort to raise me, and we worked so hard to learn and work. All for the reason that I can then also raise kids. The purpose of all that was just to continue to do the same again. Which gets me begging…

Today 10/20/2023 is the official break up day between Roy and I. We had dinner then chat in the car. He gave me a dual picture frame (after I gave him one Wednesday, but he had already ordered just didn’t make it). It was a heartfelt break up. We texted…

Roy and I met last night to talk after our break. And he was real with me for the first time in a long time. He revealed how he really thought about things, and they were quite aligned with my views. He postulated that he was probably defensive, hence certain…

It’s finally happened, Roy and I are on a break. On Sunday, I went to his place to talk to him. We had gotten into an argument over Line. It was about how he found me checking on him to hangout inconsiderate because he had work, which he said he…

Urge to rethink everything is stemming from: Being more withdrawn lately: in TX (just got back btw), with fam/friends, etc I’ve just been more withdrawn and my thinking has been that I just don’t really care about people/anything. No negotiation/overwhelmed guyfriend: Roy self-identified as often overwhelmed. I didn’t see it…

I was reading the wiki on Albert Einstein’s life — his cheating, his insights on life/philosophy/diet/music, etc. One interesting thing is that he decided to die without surgery, saying that he was happy to live his life and his time was up. Usually smart/rich people want to keep living it seems. He seemed to pursue whatever he loved — math, physics, music, etc. And he died at 76. Made me feel like maybe I should just quit everything and do what I “love”. Or.. keep working lol.

I’m having some retroactive guilt for now taking my mom seriously enough. I suddenly remembered just now that she had told me she and dad weren’t doing so well financially, when I was in college. …

Work has been crazy, i’m exhausted. Tomorrow will be even more crazy though: I’m slipping off to take dad to social security office I’m getting a haircut at 3:30pm I’m playing pickleball with Roy and Louis at 5:45pm I’m staying at a motel with Roy And that’s juggling work too ugh. Japanese journal time: Tsukareta! Takusan shigoto shita kuso! Saba wo tabeta. Soshite ocha wo nomunai.

I’ve been letting my classes end on time and technically “early” even if my teachers start late. And now they’re like ending it early on their own. Idk if I’m being too lenient. But it’s fine, it’s a good deal anyway. I’m not gonna nickel and dime. Yohan was late today because he forgot we are starting 20 min earlier than usual. That’s fine. But I got to journal! Here we go: Konnichiwa daiari! Sou desu, watashi no daiari ga aru. Kyou wa tebete, nonde, ocha o nomimashita. Mata shigoto shita. Mochiron. Chouu mendokusai ne. Kuso kaisha wa gomi da. Ha ha sugoku omoshiroi!