Are My Gay Dates And Hangouts Going Anywhere?

A few updates from the past few days. I’ll make some connections and overall thoughts at the end!

1. I hung out with Rick yesterday. We had Mediterranean food and watched the movie Zombieland Double Tap, which was really good. He’s moving to Southeast Asia to do a Master’s in Economics. I really enjoy conversations with him, and he lost like 17 pounds since I last saw him. But he friend zoned me, isn’t as physically attractive as I’m usually into, implied he has a small eggplant, and doesn’t seem ready or interested in a long-term relationship. But he definitely gets me thinking that I need to find someone who I can really enjoy philosophical conversations with. We talk a lot about how the world is changing, how gay relationships are different from hetero ones, and other more theoretical stuff.
2. I went on that 3rd date with Mexican guy on Friday night. We’ll call him Victor. He was late by over 20 minutes! All three dates he was late by 15+ minutes. That really bothered me especially since he called me 30–45 min before our date to see if I can go 15 minutes earlier (I couldn’t), AND THEN HE WAS LATE. After I told him it bothered me, he apologized. Later he offered to make me dinner, so we have a dinner date at his place on Friday. He better BE HOME on time. My law school friend Allen actually wrote a Facebook message about how he got stood up 3 times this weekend, and how he is most offended when people disrespect his time. I totally feel him.
3. I’m texting with Carl again. We had messaged a bit back in Dec 2018 (met via Tinder) when my ex and I broke up temporarily. He’s a Chinese guy doing a Biochem phd. He’s short and skinny, but kind of cute. He kept texting me but never asked me out. Basically said we should play boardgames but never scheduled anything. Now that I’m typing it out, it’s starting to bother me. But I realized I just messaged him “So when you are you usually free to hangout? :)” so it’s too late, I already made the move. I guess he already showed interest in hanging out, so it’s okay? Sigh. I just feel like I need to be pursued more because if I pursue, the guys are way too lazy.
4. Hot pot and game night on Saturday with Ron and Devin. As always, they were very generous, and we had a great time. Their Japanese friend Dane who grew up in Indonesia brought his boyfriend Chan, who I found to be quite attractive. He had a cute smile and nice lips, but wouldn’t be someone I would swipe right on. Ron also brought his coworker and her boyfriend. The boyfriend was hot. He’s a real estate agent, and they both did a work holiday in Australia a year a while back.
5. My cousin Sam helped photograph the condo I’m buying.

Overall, I think my time has been spent socializing with gay guys lol. I’m seeking social connection and meaning, but these are all a bit fleeting for the most part. I hope that it’ll gradually build to deeper bonds (or at least “tighter” bonds, tightened by time). But who knows.

What really matters to me is a deep and consistent connection with someone. I can’t guarantee I’ll ever find it, but I want to keep a flexible schedule so I don’t jeopardize my chances when I do come across an opportunity. Is that desperate of me? If so, is it bad to be desperate? I guess it can be a turnoff, which sucks because I don’t like “faking” things to play the game, but it’s psychological and sometimes it needs to be done. Like with my previous best friend Will. I had to sort of try to be more masc to be more accepted by him, but as soon as we became good friends, I could loosen up.

Alrighty, that’s enough for my life documentation for now. Have a good rest of your afternoon!

LB