Clean break up?

My Secret Notebook
2 min readOct 20, 2023

Roy and I met last night to talk after our break. And he was real with me for the first time in a long time.

He revealed how he really thought about things, and they were quite aligned with my views. He postulated that he was probably defensive, hence certain actions. Lines up with my thoughts.

He finessed his way into a breakup “postponed” and us having dinner tomorrow. To give us more time to think about how to proceed going forward.

He’s been sweet ish so far today over text. Last night, he even somewhat seemed to be okay with us being boyfriends too, though he expressed fear of being out to his friends and how things might change. Especially since he isn’t close to many people.

ANYWAY

I have a decision to make. Will it be a clean break? I’m thinking clean break until Thanksgiving, when we will check in to see how each other is doing and if he wants me to refund his Trevor Noah ticket (or, if he wants to go still). He was undecided yesterday.

Usually, I’d be more open to wanting to try, but he’s undecided on if he wants to be life partners/if he would want to. And I know that we will have issues if we don’t both want it. That’s the core. I’m willing to work through everything else, and trust me it’s a lot.

Now for the break up. It will be messy if we stay in contact. He is the jealous type, and it would make me uncomfortable sharing anything dating related with him or for any future partner knowing I still keep in touch with him given the thorough nature of our past. It also leaves room for any ugly episodes, which I don’t want. Let’s just keep this beautiful part of our lives in good memory. Let’s honor it and not let it turn sour.

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My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.