Dating and Non-dating; Next Steps

The past two days have been crazy on the “relationship” front:

1. I created a profile on FIRE Dating, and I matched with an Asian guy who messaged me immediately. This all happened last night. And he asked me out on a date for Sunday night. There are already cold moments and lulls, but I’m willing to see how things are in person.
2. An IG guy that I followed because he’s a gaysian single dad with two kids DM’d me first today. I think he wanted to hookup lol, but we ended up talking about his kids and how he handles all of that.
3. I looked through photos of Ray and I, and I saw how happy we were. When I saw his smiling face, I thought, “that’s my baby.” And I was filled with love. I do love him so much and miss him so much. But I also do know we wouldn’t have a healthy relationship. And there are strong reasons we did not last.

Dating front:

• I’m going get more fit first, then re-debut for dating. Trying to go fast track here, maybe 1 month. But I also want to enjoy more, so maybe I’ll put off official dating until later.

Non-dating front:

• I need to create mindspace for non-dating. When guys start to flood my mind, I can’t focus on other things.
• I also want to get fit, get attention, and have fun.

Non-dating/non-sex stuff:

• I don’t fucking know.

There’s only so much I can do with board games/social deduction games. I’ll go to the cons, but then I’m conned out. I seek out gay circles and gay events.

I don’t like partying and drinking though. The only way I can enjoy those spaces is if I’m extremely hot and unstressed.

Think hard, what else do I like to do:

• SIDE PROJECTS

But all my games and side projects are only able to grow when I have a partner for base emotional support.

Otherwise, I’d rather travel around, meet guys, and explore places with them. With a hot body and raving IG account too. Make-up, and nice-ish clothes.

I can’t really focus on side projects.

Example:

• I was focused on my gaystagram (even though I knew I’d use it for my games), and I didn’t even post my first video until Dec 2021, which is after I met Ray.

But I can’t focus on fitness, if I’m in a relationship.

That’s why I’m trying to see if an open relationship would work. Someone I can truly love and see as super unique, vice versa. But idk…

What do I really even want in this next stage?

1. Travel and sexplore in certain cities (gay saunas, sniffies, grindr, jackd); dates will make me too preoccupied, but making gay friends will be OK (IG friends, meetups; gay board games). So make some gay friends in the areas: San Jose, San Francisco, LA/WeHo, Chicago, NYC, Vancouver, Taipei, Mexico City, Shanghai. Taipei/Mexico/Shanghai will likely be next year when I drop my second job (Taipei April/May). It’s kind of too long, but it’s just how the apple is falling. Unless.. I request emergency PTO, which is now feeling more likely?
2. Go to pride events? Gay cruise (the less party ones; or the party ones but I just don’t party as much)?
3. Build community? I don’t really like this, because it feels so tiring. But maybe I should start building community and joining gay friend groups. Going to events, socializing. Move out and invite people over. A few months after Taipei/Mexico. I could do next year Nov 2025 actually at my Townhouse rental. That would be a good time. Months after some international travel. At the same time, I could also just move out and rent in a better city (reason for my other short city stays). It’s key I make a good decision on this. I already visited other SEA countries and learned I wouldn’t want to live there! I don’t really want to live in the cities where my rentals are. I want to live in: WeHo, SF, maybe Vancouver, or the heart of a gay Mecca where there are asians. I ironically want to be a part of busy metro city life now, especially since I’m “alone” in this world now. Shanghai?
4. After I get settled, become hot, whittle down my stress, and have built up a life, and I’m still single, I’ll ramp up the serious dating. But how this will look will highly depend on where I decide to live. WeHo is largely white though… Maybe other parts of LA? Or NorCal?

Ugh, internet says LA is more sticky… then it says Bangkok is better for fun lol what a waste.

Regardless, I’m going to freakin’ enjoy my time from now on. Kids will wait. They will fuckin’ wait.