Did I Reach My 2019 Goals? New 2020 Goals

I’ve been listening to Demi Lovato’s performance of Anyone at the Grammy’s. It was very powerful, especially the part “I feel stupid when I sing”. I feel like that’s when she really broke a fourth wall and got across that veil of stardom/performance and really related.

Upon reflection, I’m very thankful to God for bringing me to where I am here today. Most of what has happened is mostly from external circumstances outside of my control. Yes, a lot is based on me taking action, but I wouldn’t have ever had these options if it were not for God giving me opportunities and opions: where I born, who I was born to, when I was born, being able to live where I live and do what I do.

Now, I also want to do some more refocusing. I wrote down goals and places where I wanted to be. I want to revisit those and see how I did. 1–7 are short-term, 8–15 are long-term.

  1. Get cut abs: I’m still in progress. I’m started doing planks this week at home. Hope to speed this up.
  2. Travel more: Last year I went to Japan, Philly, Chicago, Cabo, and Dallas. I think that was pretty good. I’m ramping down now to focus on health and fitness. Just an SF trip and nothing else planned. I’d say as a short term goal, I achieved it.
  3. Try fancier foods: I went to a lot of fancy places last year. I’d say this was achieved too. I’m toning it down now to eat healthy and build muscle.
  4. Volunteer more: I did one volunteer thing, so I technically achieved this. My new long term goal is to gain clout on social media and then use it for good. I don’t know what kind of good yet. And it wasn’t originally for “good” but I feel like I want it to be.
  5. Play more boardgames: I actually played fewer times last year than 2018, when I went to 2 cons. But I made boardgame friends and so I think I have been playing more spread out, especially with Will back from Illinois.
  6. Plan an awesome 30th bday party?: I opted out of this, which had a question mark to begin with anyway. It’s not me to plan parties for myself period.
  7. Connect with God more: I don’t think I’ve really done this. Aside from the self-reflection I already do, considering God in my life during this reflection, Bible studies, etc, I don’t feel like I’ve done more to connect. But I did feel more connected during that one prayer that I told Will about, so maybe?
  8. [begin Long Term section] A loving father with a loving family: I’m donating sperm now so in a way that is biological “fatherhood” although legally I would not be a parent. Loving family.. I think my family is good right now. Not my own family unit yet though. Still far in the timeline before I start this.
  9. Well-traveled and knowledgeable: I do feel like I’ve dabbled in a lot of different things, so generally well-rounded knowledge, I’ve been gaining. So far, music production and skincare skills have gone up. Photography is what I’m getting into. I’d have to travel more.
  10. A space to explore and create comfortably: I’m getting closer after I got my keyboard, iMac, and iPad/pencil. With camera, I’ll have more opportunities. But I need to be wise about big purchases.
  11. Doing good: I’m using my thirstagram as an excuse to use my clout for good. I think it’s totally doable though, to make it inspirational and voice opinions that help others, or do things that help others. But I need to seriously think on that and stuff. So far, no good yet.
  12. Having God in my life, helping others in faith: I feel like Will and I last night touched more on faith in our Bible study, but overall, I’m not at this point yet. And I have yet to discover how to. I don’t think a thirstagram will get me close to this. If it is to, then the idea would be that you could be yourself and have a religious life too. But that feels counterintuitive to notions of self-sacrifice and “losing/hating your life to gain life”. Is hating yourself “self-loathing”? Is there a scriptural message of self-loathing? Perhaps not in the modern definition?
  13. Generous and chill: I feel like I’m taking steps to be more generous and whatevs about money, because I lost a bunch by canceling my CR trip. Lol. But I’m being conscientious of this.
  14. Chill job (wfh if possible): I got a WFH job in the fall thank God. If He wills, I hope to continue. Again, thank God so much for this, He answered my prayers.
  15. Feel I’ve lived a meaningful life: I get kind of shook when I read this. It’s more of a post-reflection. But at the same time, do I currently feel I am doing this. I think if I get some sort of platform when I have influence and then use my influence for good, there is more meaning. Not there yet.

After doing a full comb through, I feel like I am making progress. The long terms goals I basically the same/similar, but I want to adjust the short term ones starting with a blank slate:

  1. Become hot
  2. Grow a successful IG
  3. Use IG for good

My original uses of my IG was to help me date and for general personal vanity as I age. That’s being honest. But after last night’s sharing, I feel my goals need to have more “goodness” in nature. It will be hard to combine the two if even possible.

My goals have become vain sadly. I think I originally wanted the IG to be more quirky and highlight my true interests like boardgames, movies, food, and badminton. I think I will try to get that in for sure. But I’ve been veering toward balance, especially with something palatable to bigger brands. Which would kind of harm or rather conflict my chances at using it for “good” in the sense that it’d be filtered, which isn’t really me. But I maybe that’s the cost of far-reaching good. And I can still be unfiltered in other ways.

I’ve been seeing this IG stuff as more business and strategy instead of a representation of true me. I’m not even wearing clothes I wear in real life, even when I’m going out or whatnot lol.


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My Secret Notebook

My Secret Notebook


Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.