First Date with an ESFJ (Went well!)

Went on a first date with an ESFJ today, and it went really well!

Highlights:

1. He bought me a Pop Mart toy
2. We fucked twice, it was amazing
3. He paid for dinner
4. I got him mooncakes, he liked that

“Concerns”:

1. He was running late, and said “I’m always late!” This is uncharacteristic of ESFJs.
2. He is traditional and is usually only seeing one person even before being official. This is expected but saying it outload was unexpected and I didn’t have a chance to reveal my sluttiness.
3. He wanted me to push guys away if they tried to make out with him at a future rave we are going to. Even though I joked I’d just make it a 3-way kiss. This means he isn’t open to much openness, which might be okay.
4. I’m also seeing an INTP, and it’s going well with him too.

I can definitely see futures with both ESFJ and INTP:

1. ESFJ Future:

• We’d probably get further/faster in growing a life together: a home, nurturing environment, outings. It’d be kind of boring but stable. It’d be peaceful and have a warmth to it.
• If we wanted kids, we would have a good nest for it. He would be good at getting us to work as a team to accomplish child rearing.
• Generally good sex life, but no open arrangement. There is potential to “convince” him of an open if he trusts me because he almost did it with another guy, whom he cried for when they ended, but I don’t think I’d want to convince someone.

2. INTP Future:

• Probably an open arrangement in the future, would have a lot of couple activities and interweaving of social lives. Probably known in gaysian circles.
• Still taking it slow in terms of life and integrating our lives together. Generally good communication and compatibility.
• Trips together probably and would have good openness to what we can explore and do.
• Less likely to be having kids early. If so, would be later.
• Slower sex life, but the likelihood of open arrangement allows exploration. Typical gay arrangement.

Overall, I feel like the INTP future is the normal way, and we have great day to day brain-connection. But the ESFJ gives me more physical comforts that I have trouble doing myself. And even though I enjoy all the socializing in the gay world, I don’t really think it’s something I super like or liked from the start. I want to have love and warmth in my life as well as fun.

With an ESFJ, I can find warmth at home, have playful fun at home, and have intellectual fun with friends or online. Sexual fun will be more limited, but I’ve been okay with that before. With an INTP, I’d have intellectual fun at home and out, broader sexual fun but in an almost emptier way, but less warmth at home.

I’ll be honest, I kind of am leaning toward ESFJ life just because it seems like the next way to progress my life and actually build a life. My baby mama is ESFJ, my ex Derek is ESFJ, and my first girl I dated was ESFJ. They’re all moving on in life with marriage, potential kids, etc. And the first two are ones that help actually even take care of me here and there from time to time. I think that’s kind of what I need in a home setting. And INTPs are more like my good friends that I hang out with/chat with.