Good moments and bad moments — getting over my ex

My Secret Notebook
2 min readSep 27, 2024

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I had some good moments this week after good exercise and sleep and IG attention. But the last two nights have been a bit bad.

I keep thinking about Ray and missing him, at least the him I thought he was. And it makes me sad that he’s already gotten over me and moved on, not really caring about watching my stories or wondering what I’m doing.

I guess that was always the case. He was always caring about himself and not really caring about me. The only times he thought about me were rare, when perhaps at one small point in time he was in love?

It seems like he has caught feels for Taneil. I don’t really care about Taneil.

Honestly, I can’t forget… he fucking cheated on me and betrayed me. Even so, I keep dwelling in the past. I can’t move forward.

I think what I absolutely need now is a hot body. That is my number one tool to tap into the gay community again and to feel great again.

Once I become hot, I will be dating seriously again.

But I suspect there will be these bad days. He fucking lied and cheated on me. How is that not enough for me to ditch him forever?

The 3 years of crushing on him and loving him don’t just disappear overnight, over a week, or even over a month. Even if he betrayed me.

He was the one that said he’d still love me even if I didn’t love him. What a fucking liar. He was saying all that shit just to get me to feel that way. He was a manipulator.

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My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.