I do want a sense of home

It’s been months after my dad’s death and my break-up from my ex of 3 years. I’ve wanted to explore and ho around. And to some degree, I have.

I’ve played a lot of Blood on the Clocktower (Vegas convention!), I went to a cruisy Korean spa, I had tons of hook-ups, and I have a new regular FWB. I’ve been to SD several times already.

But last night, I realized that I do crave a sense of home. Amidst the meaninglessness of everything, I still have a human instinct to want to “go home” and “have a home”. Maybe that is with my aunt/uncle for now, a way to keep this pesky instinct at bay. Maybe I will want it to be with a partner.

I had been envisioning a sexy single life forever. But that doesn’t come with a home. So perhaps to guard against not having this need fulfilled, I need to use the small bits of youth I have to seek a home for me in the future?

Well, not necessarily. If I really did want a family, I can still date when I’m older (the people left will also be hard to get along with). I can also foster, adopt, or just be closer to friends.

Either way, I don’t really want kids anymore (especially after talking to Brandon lol) and I don’t really want to date anyone unless I am feeling like it’s a great match and all my criteria are met.