I don’t want a relationship right now (because it takes work)

I had to friend zone two guys recently: Scot and Daymond.

Scot is fun to talk to but is too self-centered/self-focused and says offensive things sometimes. Daymond seems like a sincere, resourceful guy but not deeply perceptive or insightful. Puts in effort though, which I like; though can be wishy washy.

Either way, after I friend-zoned, I realized that no matter who it is, I don’t even think I want to put my mind and heart into a relationship. I feel like it’s more worth it to spend my efforts on myself and making friends even.

I can only have “one” relationship, but I can have many friends. And good friends can support me. A single relationship can fail me easily, and I’m picky and want to have fun right now.

And it’s so much work. I’ve learned how much time, effort, emotion, and money goes into a relationship. I love building that with someone, but I don’t want to do it right now. I don’t want kids to invest anything in right now. I want to just enjoy me. I want to explore, I want to make friends, I want to have sex with hot asian guys! I want to meet people and see what has been out there this whole time!

I did Molly for the first time too, and I accidentally tried to kiss Deen’s boyfriend Jistin. I asked him, and he said no. And I felt embarrassed and told other people about it too lol. I spread my own bad reputation and demise. Another Jistin asked how many people I kissed/asked to kiss, so I knew word had gotten around. I swing between: “I don’t care about these people so whatever” and “Shit, I did a bad thing and my reputation is bad now”.

Either way, it all doesn’t really matter. I’m just doing what I want now, and I’m not going to be pressured to do what I don’t want to do! That’s that!