I need to re-orient and refocus

Sorry I haven’t been keeping up. Been so busy.

I feel exhausted because I’ve been staying up till like 5:40am these past two night. Friday night because I went to club with Gerald because his bf broke up with him. And last night because after hot pot, I went to play D&D wth Brent and crew.

I’m going to be splitting with the Indonesian boy. Either when he wants to call and talk DTR or in person before or after Chinese new year.

My eye bags are irreversible it feels, but I can at best keep them at bay. I don’t have the face that attracts people enough. For example, Indonesian boy got asked his IG in front of me. Sigh. And he gave it out.

But nobody asked for mine. I think I need to supplement HARD with muscles. And then beef up my IG. Sure, it leads to meaningless stuff, but at the end of the day, I think I want a thirst IG that emphasizes on boardgames and scifi lol.

I think that’s fun, “new”-ish, and will get me closer to the kind of community I want to be around.

I don’t think Brent is creative enough to do a YT with tbh. And we had an awkward passive aggressive moment where I sent my skincare routine and he wouldn’t send his. Which really annoyed me.

Overall, I need to re-orient and then just focus on wellness and expediting working out and stuff. For example, working out after dinner time too and doing more walks. I don’t have ABS yet and I don’t have BIG MUSCLES yet. Sure, I look better, but it’s too slow.

I don’t want to focus too much on just superficial stuff too, I also want to deepen relationships and further self-reflect and orient my life toward meaningful things.