I’m feeling lonely today
Last night I had a great date with Yang. After dinner and drink(s), he sucked me and jerked me off in my car and swallowed. But it was a bit too lit on his side, so we were afraid to have him exposed. I think he was disappointed and said “Fine [sigh], time to pack it up”.
I think I was just too used to getting sucked off and not returning the favor. I should’ve driven us somewhere to suck him off too.
Anyway, that’s in the past, and perhaps he wasn’t even interseted enough to continue again. He didn’t seem to want to go for a Saturday date, with his “maybe”.
I confessed that “I have a crush on you”, “I like you”, and even “I really like you.” The alcohol made it excessive. I even left space and I think he felt guity and said “I like you too”. Lol probably didn’t mean it.
He was just trying to get out of it, saying he’ll be more free after 12/22.
Maybe that’s all true, and say he actually is into me. All this “ghosting” and not really being responsive is just too off for me anyway for anything long term. I generally need more attention throughout the day anyway.
But it was fun, and I enjoyed it. Just hard to accept rejection, even though that is way more favorable for me: so many cute guys who are interesed in me lol. And so much I have yet to explore — ahem, April trip!
I’m turning 35 so soon, so it’s imperative I make the most of this all!
But I’m really just experiencing these real emotions of catching feels (how ever quickly, like wtf). All the signs are there; this guy isn’t interested in anything serious with me, and would rather focus on his work/career. He is “enjoying his time” with me and “having a good time”. But that’s it! That’s DTLA/Little Tokyo for you!
I think I’m realizing (maybe it’s the winter season talking) that I do want a serious relationship. But I need to move out first so set myself up for that. Look at Patrick, and his great setup and his steady boy.
Solo travel and solo exploration would be great too. After winter!
Sure, I’m lonely tonight, but it won’t last long. I know.
Just need sleep.
But the cravings to be in a relationship are coming back. Just gotta make sure I don’t spend too much time potentially catching feels for the wrong guys.
“Potentials”:
- Yang — no go because of said above. But really cute/hot.
- Amellio — very handsome, but 24 and boring to talk to and in Norcal
- Teng — cute but not all the way there, 35, great to chat with, bad grammar, seems positive, and in NorCal.
People are too far away, but that’s fine. I need the distance. Right now, better to just relax and plan my trips and finish up my work stuff, so I can quit mid-March next year, take all my vesting/bonuses, and then go to Asian in April!
Potentials are all no’s. After April, I’ll date seriously.