I’ve come a long way: 4–5 year lookback

My Secret Notebook
2 min readJan 9, 2024

I’m reading through some of my first posts because someone just added my 2020 goals to their list for some reason. Lol it’s 2024 already, hello.

I’m seeing how back then, I had much less stability and identity. At least, my identity has changed a lot. No more Bible studies, dates, and existential musings. I still think about life, but it’s been a bit more positive like an explorer/endeavoring person.

I was seeking meaning, and then months later, I created my gay Youtube. I later sought to make my board game Youtube and learned how it wouldn’t work long term for me (I did put in my effort). I tried a few other things: chicken business idea, jewelry idea, etc. And I finally concluded that these wouldn’t really be good long term. I found my money-maker, how ever short or long it may last. And I’ve found a path to potential early retirement. At least, this takes the edge off finances for me, potentially forever.

Without looking back, it can feel like I haven’t moved a lot, that I’m too static. In some ways, yes. I’m still at home, still no kids, and other people’s lives are moving even faster. But in other ways, internally, I’ve grown quite a bit, and done all the things I would’ve done/wanted to do to self-discover and test.

I’m feeling good about the progress, and I’m excited to keep going!

I’m also appreciating the stability of having a boyfriend, even if we fight harshly, which often lead to me thinking we won’t do a lot of things together or that it might not work out. There’s a sort of stability with no needing to seek romance/dating, at least for the time being. Even if we fight, Roy can move away from it in 1–3 days. Yeah, it sucks to keep repeating, but there’s a benefit to his ability (or his nature) to bounce back, even if he might have an itch to start something when it’s too calm.

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My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.