Living in OC = peace and balance?
I was just listening to a recording of a song I wrote almost 10 years ago now. It reminded me of how I’d be belting in my room in the house where my dad, aunt, uncle, and cousin lived. But how I gradually stopped doing that because I didn’t want to disturb others.
Living alone is about returning to the open and free self-expression and self-living I had when I was more alone, like in my childhood home during summer when it was just me while my parents worked.
That gave me a lot of time to practice piano, watch shows, and just sing my head off. At the same time, I’ve gotten used to the quiet, the lower volumes, the valuing of others’ convenience over my pleasure… the “hiding”.
That’s probably why I’ve been craving the LA living. I like being at the center of things. But despite a very fun and packed Saturday (was at my friend’s dance competition where D-list celebrities also went to support my friend, a formal charity event where I knew a lot of the people and event got a VIP wristband hookup because I knew the DJ, and a gaysian club event where I was saying to a bunch of people the whole night, meeting new guys too), the last two days Sunday and Monday have felt like a Molly comedown.
The reason I wanted to live in the OC to begin with was to build my sanctuary. And even though I want to have a place to fuck boys all the time, accessing more boys the closer I get to hotspots like Koreatown and Hollywood, the congested LA life or lower bang for my buck, might not be a match.
Even if I were to do artist collabs, being so close would make it hard to limit and stop people from getting into my space, inviting themselves over, and expecting more from me.
Living in the OC, far away from the chaos is a natural barrier. It removes the expectation for me to host things or go to weekday things because I live too far. And I’d only pick and choose the main things I want to go to.
Sure, it could hurt my development and momentum in those spaces, but even though I currently live in Cerritos, I’m still getting invited to LA events. It just requires a farther drive, which is a reasonable sacrifice for my cushy Cerritos life.
But living far from the scene means I can’t deepen my relationships as much, and I wouldn’t be able to quickly build on certain connections as much as I’d like. But it also means I can easily be selective. Nobody will be offended that you can’t do things because you just live too far. They only get offended if you live super close and still don’t go, right?
Maybe this is this trick to maintain my peace, preserve balance, and curate without consequence?
