Loneliness and expressiveness

I just watched this short of Pierre Boo crying on his last day at the apartment where he had memories with his ex, and I read all the deep, heartfelt comments.

It made me realize that I’m just not that outwardly expressive. Perhaps if I had been, it would have stirred more sympathy with Ray. Eh, the what ifs don’t matter.

I also saw a video about avoidant attachment styles already knowing a relationship is over before it is and finding relief when it’s over. I wonder if there was a bit of that from Ray, as he was so quick to leave, change his IG profile pic, and not turn back.

It seems like so many things happened to me this year— my dad died, Ray and I broke up, I was laid off, I am reaching $2M net worth, I’m making embryos — yet I don’t have any of these expressive emotional moments that I share with anyone. I did have a very emotional moment with Ray when we hugged after my dad died. He was wonderful.

Other than that, I feel so on my own emotionally. Maybe that’s what I prefer, I don’t know. But it sure does feel lonely and vacuous. Maybe that just let’s me make room for more things I want to do.

You can grab new things if your hands are full.