My ex just changed his profile picture

I was just looking at my ex Ray’s Instagram profile to see if he blocked me, and I saw that he changed his profile picture.

It hurt at first, but it was also relieving. I was relieved that he was okay and functional enough to do that. I was worried he was in pain or sadness. But it also hurt that after one day, he was signaling to me that he’s moving on.

Maybe it’s out of spite, maybe it’s just him trying to move on. Maybe he’s trying to hook up. I don’t know. But a 3 year exclusive relationship (10 months official) seems like it would require longer to heal from, or at least some more time to honor.

I have such deep feelings for him, and I can’t see myself with somebody else right now or even in the future. It’s weird. I know this will pass, but it’s sad that it would. I want to think that the lifelong type of love I had for him is stronger and less passing than that.

And in some ways, I think it will be.

I just don’t really know how to feel about it all.

If he doesn’t want to honor our relationship or reflect more about us, that is his prerogative and should not concern me at all. He is his own person now.

Sure, I miss him so much and love him so much, but I have no intention of dating him again either now or in the future.

And if he wants to hate me forever, that is out my control and not my business. I just wish him good health and happiness. And if changing his profile pic means he’s alive and making steps toward processing the breakup, that is enough for me. It’s a bit of closure for me too.

I’m just really sad.