My first rave as a gaysian
This weekend has been incredible. But I can’t say it’s been completely “good”. There were some microaggressive setbacks that got into my head.
THURSDAY: Illenium
I went to Illenium with Daymond, Jemmy, Jiff, and Bryson. Tickets went on sale the week before, and it was super last minute. I got scratched by a violent dancer near us and I was bleeding, but Daymond had bandaids. The last song, Fall Apart, we were huddles in a circle dancing and emoting and 5 way hugging, and it felt so good. I met some other gaysians in line who were here for Dreamstate (DS). I had a 2-day pass that Daymond sold me through Jemmy for $167, the price of one basically. I knew I was a maybe for Saturday but it would be better to have the option than not, especially since it was the price of on anyway.
I was arriving at DS with the Leps group, from which I only knew Jon. I chatted on IG with Jon and we actually met in person at Switch briefly. He was going to introduce me to people at Switch, but I left with Emelio earlier. I do kind of wonder what would’ve happened if I had been introduced that night.
FRIDAY: Dreamstate
I had my fits ready (giving Cady Heron though with my tacky fit), and I brought a big bottle of Tito’s to the Leps pre-game. I was a bit late. I had messaged the chat to say it was my first rave, and there were 8 heart likes, which made me feel optimistic.
Alven also asked the chat for ALA, which I had so I said I’ll bring.
I parked a 10 min walk away, and when I got there, Alven opened the door, and I gave him the ALA. I went to look for Jon, but there were quite a few other gaysians. I introduced myself, but the reception was a bit cold and awkward.
Jon was a bit warm, and I appreciated that. But he had others to sociaize with. Alven was just doing his thing. He is more reserved that I would’ve thought. We talked a bit, getting to know each other.
On the way there, I talked to Tena and Kam, and they were really energetic/friendly. Tena is 24 lol, and I told her I’m 34 after she asked siecn I hadn’t done a lot of stuff yet. Maybe that drew a wedge.
Kinnith was also there. He had been in a background facetime with Mikel when they were in Europe. Kin was nice and told me a lot about Berghain and Lab. He can be talkative, which is good for keeping the convo going lol, idk kinda need an engaging person if you’re trying to meet people.
Oh yeah, at the pregame, Lix was there, and he only briefly said hi to me when I introduced myself. Felt cold/standoffish.
Anyway, DS was bigger than I thought. Several stages and vendors and bathroom maze area. The gaysian area was packed.
My high school friend Ten was more off to the side with his friends. It was nice hanging with him and Jems, which I had dinner with earlier that week on Wednesday lol. This has been a crazy week. Jems is more friendly out of Ten’s entire group since he actually reached out to get dinner. Kind of felt like mutual clouting for the both of us? But we’re both Taiwanese so he really is my kin haha.
With Leps I kind of felt lonely and not getting much attention/friendliness.
When I went to find Jemmy and Daymond, they were much warmer and fun to dance with and be around. I loved it.
I also met some Taiwanese people from Norcal (Winnie, Rachel, Ting, and Jimmy). They were so fun to dance with. Ting and Jimmy were really touch LOL. So was Winnie who asked to grab my ass (I said yes LOL). She has a bf in Taiwan, and the running joke was that she’s my new gf.
I also saw Adem. We talked and hugged a bit. He was really friendly and around and texted me on the spot to get us to hangout after. But he said stuff like “He used to be anti-rave!” to a lot of people, even though I kept saying noo i just never been to one! Which reminded me why I broke things off in the first place, or was willing to just tell him I wasn’t interested in fun with him. He tells too much and exaggerates in a way that doesn’t make me look good. Bad for my intro to gaysian community. But it also felt like he was one of the few giving me attention (OK fine, not few, but you know).
I went off with Leps to another stage at one point, and they were kind of ignoring me or just not that interested in talking to me. Maybe because I saw Well earlier (my ex Garland’s friend). Well was totally brushing me off and trying to just answer my questions and leave me. He probably talked shit about me. And maybe that’s the end of my Leps saga. Honestly, not that interested in continuing with them, but just don’t want to speak evil and get blacklisted. They were nice to let me join already! Maybe they’re just not all really looking to make more friends, and it was just Jon trying to grow the group on his own?
Wayland was also grinding on me and dancing with me LOL. I think he wanted to kiss, so did Ting. But I didn’t want to kiss people in public; my new rule. Also I just wasn’t that into them in the moment. Ting is 35 and actually pretty cute tho. He seemed like a happy guy.
My favorite people to hangout with at DS, where I felt good, were Daymond/Jemmy, the Taiwanese group, Kaleb, and Adem. Wayland and Andrew were nice too.
Kaleb I had been following on IG for a long time. He’s with Leps, but we didn’t walk together there. I saw him and introduced myself, and he was friendly, sidehugging each other as we danced. He asked, “what can I do to make your first rave a good time?” or something like that. I forgot what I said, maybe like I’m already having a great time!
I think he was K-holing at some point though because he started stumbling and grabbing around. And that kind of scared me. I think he was fine later.
Kaleb was very cute, and I was too scared to think straight. I think the nerves got to me, and I was awkward. It’s just all too intimidating, though Kaleb was so fun and friendly, I’d party with him/dance with him again if given the chance. Idk why his bf wasn’t around.
I also met Kai for the first time. He’s Raymond’s bf. Kai tried to intro me to Raymond, who I already knew. And Raymond kind of brushed it off and was trying to kind of hold me in place when I was trying to be friendly and hug him. Idk what that was about. Maybe Raymond’s keeping some distance or trying to show he’s not interested.
My clothes smelled so bad afterward.
Overall, I think there was just SO MANY gaysians (my instagram feed all at once). I loved that, but it also means the cold/mean/standoffish boys were there too, and I don’t like that.
Oh yeah, I met Stan on my way back. Jayjay said hi to me when I was leaving (I was separated from Leps and Daymond; and Adem was saying he was leaving with others or driving or whatever). Jayjay and I were talking and walking and leaving together; he let me leave with them. And I introduced myself to some of his friends. One was Stan, a 6'1" Chinese (Canto) guy who grew up in NY (Brooklyn?) and moved to SF for the last 5 years. He’s in a poly relationship (his partner/husband has a BF). They’ve been together for 6 years and live together. He was getting romantic with me, and we went to hangout at Phu/Kevin/Jake’s place after, just sitting on the bed and chatting. P/K/J are in a poly relationship too lol. I learned “buku wandi” which in viet is suck my dick lol!
SATURDAY: BOTC and WICKED
I was thinking of going to Dreamstate on Saturday at 10pm, for the last 3 hours. But I didn’t. Here’s why.
I was at a BOTC (Blood on the clocktower) event with at a famous drag queen’s house. I was so happy she invited me, and it was so fun. I met another drag queen who was on a Netflix show, some gaysians, and 3 non asian gays, one of whom is a famous pastry chef.
The vibes were great, and K invited me to have dinner with them after. At dinner, K also invited me to watch Wicked, and I said yes lol. It just felt like I wasn’t that wanted at DS anyway, and I already said no to stuff with K before, and I wanted to keep hanging with K more/get invited to stuff again. It’s the dumb clout game a bit, but I really do like hanging with K and his friends. And I felt like K was actually trying to get me to go and wanted me to go. So I did.
I found out Jemmy made me a candy, which fucking broke my heart (we had a heart to heart in the car, about my dad and breakup and future, and him about his work disillusionment and feeling stuck). And the Taiwan people, Ten, Jems, and Stan asked about me. I guess there were people expecting me… But I already did DS on Friday lol, did I really need MORE of the same thing, especially with the hassle of going alone for just the last 3 hours? I can’t do everything, and I had a fun emotional moment at Wicked.
I’m happy with my decisions, and I don’t regret them. I do play out what could’ve been, but it’s all good.
Oh yeah, I got a BJ from Aron Kristian, my local dick sucker 4 min from my house. He was fantastic as usual, and since I have abs ish right now, he kept saying how hot I was hehe. Boys love feeling me up right now, and I love being touched.
I basically left 5–6 people at DS wondering where I went and if I’d be back, to hangout with 1–2 people who were interested in having me at Wicked. K is more local though and has more potential for things I like to do. The other 5–6 aren’t around here, and I already hung out with them LOL. Plus the hassle. It was a complex decision process HAHA.
SUNDAY: Grigg dinner
I’m about to go to dinner with Griff, a norcal 44 year old gaysian I’ve been chatting with for like over a month now!
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I’m overall so happy with this weekend. I did all my favorite things/things I like and want to do: meet gaysians, explore new events, BOTC, Wicked/music/movie, closer/deeper chats (Jemmy and Stan), and getting sucked off. I guess life is getting better haha. Singlehood is great. I can adjust what I want to do anytime.