My guyfriend is dumb, and I don’t like board games as much as I thought.

My Secret Notebook
2 min readJul 19, 2022


Two realizations: Boy and board games.


I was really turned off after learning about Roy losing $1,000 at the casino last night. Like, I’m totally fine with people doing whatever they want with their money. He implies regret when he asked me to remind him never to go again, which can be joking as well… but ya know, he knows it ain’t a good thing.

But just the sheer poor decision making, especially after he cited “financial instability” as a reason to not go to NY with me and “stability” in general as part of why he wouldn’t want to date me. Like okay, I assume you’d really have that as a big priority then? Anyway, he is probably just really afraid to not go with the flow?? Or he really likes his friend Grodo. Which, he still hasn’t really explained why they became good friends recently. I should ask again because his main reason for going is to hang with Grodo, bc last time he didn’t want to go to Vegas but considered because of Grodo.

At the same time, he’s not like me. I can chill at home and not be lonely because I have family here, giving me peripheral company. If I were completely on my own, I’d definitely be going out more, which kind of scares me now that I think of it. I barely have any family, just my dad, grounding me to my current living situation. If he were to be gone, nobody would really care about me.

Second, board games.

I realized I don’t LOVE board games as much as I thought I would. My YT has basically died off (at least in it’s last stages of death rofl). I mean I like making games and coming up with new ideas and testing them with people. But when I went to 2 game nights locally, I just got really annoyed with some people, which has happened before. And tbh, I only like playing games with people I like, aka smart/interesting/nice people. If the people suck, I don’t want to go.

And I just haven’t had a super strong draw to PLAY thaat much. Thought, I do get super excited at the thought of the next convention. So I think I’m more like a casual gamer/enthusiast.

I’m transitioning into my jewelry business idea. And that’s what’s been getting me going. I’ve ditched my chicken ventures LOL. And I think that’s just what I’ll always be doing if I’m able to operate in prime fashion: exploring new ideas/ventures/projects. And often, letting old ones deteriorate in the corner. RIP. But at the end of the day, if I’m enjoying, then I think that’s really the most important. It’s hard to be okay with that though, when I also value “success” and “follow through”. But life is short, meaningless, etc anyway? Anyway, ima do what I enjoy for now and see where it goes.

Main projects rn: jewelry, IG pics, IG pic editing YT

^ boy did we take a turn ROFL



My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.