No desire to work, no need to work
At the start if 2023, I was so excited to work. I know.. why?
I had my 2 extra side jobs lined up and ready to start, and over $400K in income ready to be made. I had a somewhat stable relationship, and my dad was still alive and did not have major health issues.
I did make over $400K that year. But I started to burn out. And in 2024, everything fell apart. Really, everything. I went to the ER, I was let go from one of my side jobs, my dad died, and Ray and I broke, with me finding out that he cheated.
Now, in 2025, I have no desire to work. That energy to go out and make money is gone. But I also did make a lot of money already. I’m at $2M in net worth. I literally can live a simple life and never work again. If I wanted.
I am lazy now, and the thought of work and answering to someone is so… unappealing and uninteresting. My remaining side gig is… something I’m so over.
I still like the boss at my main gig, and the flexibility is what’s keeping me there. Okay, the benefits and safety money too.
But at least for now, there isn’t appeal in sacrificing time/freedom to make more. I think about the struggle of my parents, others who drive Uber and sacrifice sleep to make ends meet, and more. And though that does make me think I should cherish my gigs and keep going, I have clarity in what I want out of life.
I’m in the last half of my 30s. I’ll never have this youth once it’s gone. My mom always sang this Chinese song: “The bird of my youth will never come back”. And that’s true. Even though the “cycle” of life means there will be young babies again — rebirth, again; our own youth is not a cycle. It is linear. It is fleeting.
If I get caught up in the trap of “comparison” or the logic of others, then I’ll be stuck not getting the most out of life. I’ll be stuck not living to my own standards.
Sure, I’ll keep my main gig, and that’s probably already really good in the world’s standards. But there’s a point I need to level up for myself to maximize my time spent. I need to do it fast.
Either way, I’m sick of wage labor. It’s a common theme in media too, and I mean, it’s probably my body too. It’s mental and physical exhaustion. Maybe I just need a good vacation, idk. But I’d rather just have one main gig and reclaim the rest of the time for myself.
