Nobody can relate to me

My Secret Notebook
1 min readJan 21, 2024

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I just got back from bday hangout with Danid and his boyfriend. We went to heritage square museum and then had tacos at Villas Tacos, which was delicous. The tour was educational and fun! Reminded me a bit of Nixon’s childhood home guided tour — old house smell lol.

But we ended early ish (3–5:50pm hangout) and I came home before my family even started dinner.

And it got me thinking about how I’m just so hard to relate to. It was hard to converse a bit — I think because his boyfriend is there too, so we have another person to consider. But I’ve also just become a person that most people will never have the same intersections with:

  • Gay Asian
  • Introverted lifestyle (as an ENTP)
  • Interest in retiring early (FIRE) — saving a lot, unorthodox work situation
  • Interest in surrogate kids
  • Improv interest

Around Danid, I’ve felt “behind” myself (even before dating Roy) in the intellectual space. But I know it’s more a vocabulary thing, or at least a big part of it.

But it does feel lonely. That I know I won’t get along with most people, and that at best, there’d be a distance. But I’m okay with accepting that and taking the extra space for myself. Perhaps it’s just physiological that I’m short on social dopamine.

I think I need to explore/socialize more. Meaningfully. I don’t know how.

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My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.