Reflection of 2020 — Did I accomplish my goals? New 2021 Goals

For many people, 2020 feels like a wasted year — a mulligan that went by in the blink of an eye. And I can’t say I feel much different.

But I want to take that bias away and do some reflecting. What did I “accomplish” this year, how do I feel about it, what I learned about myself, and where do I go from here?

Accomplishments:

1. I finally launched my Youtube channel. This is a big one, probably one of my biggest leaps. It’s not a successful channel by any means, but to actually get it running and started is huge for me, and I feel so proud of it.
2. I actually started self-portraits. The pandemic definitely stopped the progress because I can’t try on clothes to buy for shoots. Once we can try on clothes again, this may return, but I learned that I don’t care about an IG presence as much.
3. Socially, I got closer to Patty and Lois, who were people I wanted to get closer to. I also developed my relationship with Danid in Taiwan over messaging.
4. Beginning of the year, we got my friend’s wife pregnant. And baby was born! A big check off personal goal of progeny.

Other developments/events:

1. At work, I completed a large case project. This is sort of an accomplishment, but I don’t put it as one, because it wasn’t really a personal goal I care about lol.
2. Socially, I met Alvie, a Taiwanese anchor. I learned I’m attracted to power/influential people.
3. I also had gotten “close” to Alvin, confessed, and then had him fade me out. It sucked.
4. I refinanced a property, saving ~$190 in monthly payments.
5. Watched a lot of isekai animes and shows/movies. Started tracking my watching.
6. Sexually, I saw a sex party aftermath for the first time and was edged for the first time.

Overall, from a non-relative perspective, I enjoyed 2020 as best I could. But I also feel incredibly lazy right now. I’ve been binging animes and just at home mostly.

I’ve cycled through wanting to be motivated and pursue something, then losing the motivation and indulging in pleasures. It’s made me further lose faith in being able to become great or accomplish anything notable.

My cousin had a baby and his sister bought a house, and it makes me feel like I’m behind. But to be honest, I’m sort of on track?

Either way, I want to re-evaluate life’s direction and set some goals from scratch.

First, I want to work on a project I’m excited about. I started with the idea of making boardgames. I think something nice would be if there was a small group of boardgame makers, and we would meet weekly or monthly to play games we made. We could even host it at, say, Patty’s new place. And we can invite testers. We can get feedback to see which games are worth developing and how they can be improved. That’s something I feel would be fun and very in line with what motivates me.

More challenging projects would be like starting an online business of any sort because I just get super lazy and unmotivated FAST. It’s better to work on something not income producing for the sake of longevity.

Just occurred to me to check my 2020 goals to see if I met them. Here they are:

1. Become hot: I actually achieved this lol. Well, I’m more of a twink hot, but my abs are the most defined they’ve ever been (still not very defined, but honestly, good enough for now).
2. Grow a successful IG: Did not achieve this. Due to pandemic and lack of motivation. Learned I don’t really care about this, and I can just use pics for dating profile.
3. Use IG for good: #2 was not achieved, so couldn’t do this.

However! I did make my YouTube channel, and it can be argued that it’s used for good, so #3 could be half accomplished lol.

I’m going to be ambitious and set some 2021 goals:

1. Create a boardgame for commercial sale.
2. Plan a trip to Taiwan (and maybe Japan in the same trip).
3. Increase “passive” income (more property, or something else).

These are decent short term goals, but I need to re-evaluate who I am and who I want to be. That’s the most important.

I understand I am lazy and unmotivated, but there are definitely ways around it, right? Here’s what/who I want to be:

1. I want to be life partners with someone who is very good, kind, enjoyable to be around, and smart. I’m attracted to power, but honestly, this person doesn’t need to be powerful or influential.
2. I want to build a family with children, but I recognize my lack of motivation and default settings for housekeeping and routine. This may be supplemented by a partner who is, friends who are, or hiring nannies.
3. I want to be a charitable person. Someone who does/has done something significant that is charitable and helps people in need. I still don’t have a clear path to this yet.
4. I want to be financially independent and have stables streams of income without having to work. This is me being lazy again, but it’s also my desire to free up time to spend with people I care about, and of course, to indulge in my pleasures. Lol that sounds so bad. :/ But the truth is, it’s for flexibility. Sometimes, I’ll want to relax and enjoy anime (aka pleasures). Other times I may want to test out ideas and projects. I would like this flexibility to do so.
5. I want to build and maintain genuine friendships. People I like being around, and people who like me. Good people.
6. I want to be someone with a voice. Maybe that’s my YouTube channel (maybe I reveal?). Or maybe it’s a different way that I become a voice for myself. But I want to be genuinely me and not pressured to say or be someone I’m not. I don’t want to be in the shadows forever though. I feel kind of trapped in my own little pandemic cage, and I can’t wait to be out again.

Wow, that was extremely clarifying and therapeutic. Glad we did this on a Sunday afternoon. And seeing it in front of me in writing is great. Helps me know if it’s comprehensive enough or not when I look at it in whole. Can’t believe this is already my 3rd round of annual goals! Yikes.

I feel like I still kind of want to be an important person somehow. I think this desire needs to be re-evaluated in depth some more, perhaps in the future. I also confirmed that my more artistic side (ie. music, drawing, singing, piano, etc) is very geared toward people and getting reactions from people. In absence of that, I don’t pursue or enjoy them all that much. It was a vehicle for getting into competitive schools and is more a side interest than a core passion at all. My true passions are:

1. Boardgames
2. Personality theory
3. Politics/general knowledge
4. Anime, movies, shows

Other things I like:

1. Badminton
2. Delicious foods, trying new foods
3. Boys (sigh)
4. Socializing, learning from people of different areas/cultures
5. Traveling
6. Writing
7. Sketch comedy

I’ve also been watching CantoMando, Travis Bryant, SNL, CNN, Try Guys, Pentatonix, and more on YouTube. CantoMando and TryGuys is very much a channel run by friends. They are basically showing their friendship and entertaining us. That’s something I’d be into doing, but it requires a lot of stars to align.

Great re-orientation day. Wishing future me the best. And I pray that God may help me see things the right way and lead me to where He thinks is best for me. Thank God for everything, and wishing you, whoever reads this, the best as well. :)

~LB ❤