Saying bye to mom at the airport

I was just looking through old emails to mom to see if I had ever had them pay for plane tickets when I was in college because I feel bad about that one time I said we didn’t need the church’s help in reimbursements and she did “we do.”

In fact, we really were in debt and quite frankly, in financial hardship. But she never made me worry about, so I.. well, didn’t worry about it. But I still feel bad looking back now.

Instead, looking at these itineraries reminded me of when my mom and dad sent me off at the airport and vice versa. I’d always look back at my mom and she’d be smiling and waving back, even though I keep turning back again and again.

And same when I think maybe when she went to China (not sure), I’d wave bye and she’d keep turning back and smiling and waving.

It was a bittersweet kind of goodbye. I was off to school, a bright start, or she was off to China, a fun trip. Adventure awaited and we were happy for the other. But we were also reluctant to say goodbye.

And that’s kind of how I feel my life has gone. I had to say goodbye at the airport to my mom in Oct 2012. She ended her suffering, and I had to continue my life. That one wasn’t so smiley and happy. But I believe that in our hearts, we have a version of that departure where we are smiling at each other, looking back, and saying goodbye.

She was finally resting, and I was going ahead, alone on a plane to a new experience. She was happy for my future, for my opportunity. She opened so many doors for me, and I was finally walking through them. But we were so reluctant to say goodbye. Because these were one-way tickets.