Thinking I know “everything” helps me feel in control, but that’s impossible

I have this secret where I feel like I know more than other people, that I observe more. That’s how I feel “in control” and grounded.

I feel like I can sense and get into others’ mind for what they’re thinking and where they’re coming from. And to be honest, I think I really am above average on this usually.

But I’ve had to come to a difficult (yet not really that hard to believe) reality that things I may be confident to be true can be false. The big one was Ray cheating on me and lying to me. But the another I just refreshed myself on by rewatching my gay Youtube video, is that Joey had a crush on me on and off for years, even telling our mutual friend Julei.

It comes to show that there can be so much subtext and side conversations I’m completely unaware of, that I can’t calculate for, that I can’t control for.

Maybe it’s just easier to give it all up and not try to tailor what I say to my audience anymore. Or, at least not worry too much about and just do my best.

Expect to be potentially wrong even more.

Sure, I’ll trust my gut and not “believe” people’s word. But I also need to account for completely be oblivious to information I have no access to — that I likely won’t get access to.

And to just let it go and pursue my own happiness with integrity. No need to try to navigate the snakes’ maze. Just do my thing in honesty. People will see you for who you are eventually, and I’m going to be true to myself and others.