this is why i don’t hangout with people

I just got back from a hangout with Ku, Raymond, Sydney, Amber, John, and Sarah, and I’m about to message this to Ku on IG:

Thanks for having us over today! While I did enjoy seeing everyone, I would like to let you know that I felt offended today. After Raymond left, you offered me a foldable chair and then changed your mind, offering it to Sydney. Then, Sarah offered her chair to me to switch for the stool, and you kept telling her she couldn’t because girls are supposed to get the chairs first, despite her insisting. While this sounded fine to me on its own, it didn’t feel like the real reason to me because Raymond and John were sitting in the foldable chairs while Sydney was sitting on the cushions/lower stool up until them. To clarify, I don’t care where I sit. And as a host, you can seat your guests anywhere you want; I didn’t ever ask to change seats. But it felt like you were making an effort to not let me have the foldable chair. And that felt disrespectful to me. While I can’t speak to your intentions or reasons, I can speak to how I felt. And it was offensive to me.

Some people might think I get offended by “little” thing, but this boils down to the perceived intention, whether conscious or subconscious. And it felt mean-spirited to me.

I’m done being passive aggressive or pretending like everything’s fine. If someone does something disrespectful or mean to me, I will tell them. And if they make no effort to fix or make up for it, then we don’t ever have to hangout again. I will not choose to be around people who will not treat me with respect. And there is no foundation for friendship when there is a dearth in respect.



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My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.