We were never really friends

Now that I think about it (after reading this reddit comment about how the commenter’s ex became his best friend after breaking up), I’m realizing that Ray and I were never really friends.

We were always lovers, and lovers only.

He was always someone I crushed on: he was hot, had swag, and I loved the way sounded when he talked. I was never annoyed by his voice (RARE). I found it sexy. And I loved to see him smile and happy.

But for me, close friends are people I can confide in and talk deeply with. We never had that. He was never one to explore my inner thoughts with me, or his thoughts with him. In fact, I think he hated that sort of thing and avoided it at all cost. He didn’t see the value in it.

And I can sort of see where he’s coming from (I know, I’m so open-minded). It doesn’t really produce anything physical; you just spend a lot of time expending talking-energy, when something more productive could’ve been done. But it does contribute to personal growth, which again, he didn’t value much.

And because of that, we had a harsh reality check with our therapist months ago that we didn’t really even know and understand each other. It helped to hear it from a third party. And I think it helped us realize it.

But we still didn’t do enough to get to know each other. And he was still dodgy and avoidant.

There are definitely other people better suited to be friends with him. And people better suited to be friends for me. And it’s sad that we never explored that more.