What I learned after 18 days of international travel

After my breakup, death of my dad, and re-entry into the gaysian community last year, I decided to book a 18-day trip to Asia (TW/HK/Seoul), which I just got back from (I still have a 16-day travel itinerary to Australia/NZ in 2 months ugh).

I learned a lot about myself from this trip, and I think it’s important to finally regroup and debrief.

1. I don’t travel well, and it’s worse than I thought. On this trip I had 4 days of stomach issues and little to no eating (lost a lot of weight/mass), many days of hemorrhoids (still have), changed my itinerary to match my erratic sleep schedule, and had my usual other sensitivities (sunlight, rain, sound, etc). A lot of these issues were worse than past travels, but they always happen. So they’re basically a certainty.
2. I don’t want to date abroad. Dating long distance is not my thing, and even in Taiwan where I liked the boys, I just wouldn’t be able to follow all the Chinese reading (ie. their IG stories, etc). I prefer to date locally in CA. I did not like Hong Kong people (loud, no sense of personal space, don’t like how the language sounds, bad teeth). Taiwan people also have bad teeth. In Korea, they seem very set on only dating Koreans, and the mentality is too sheeple.
3. I don’t like being on my own (or away from home) too long. I really missed being back home with my aunt and uncle, in the comfort of our routine, with abundant food, supplements, and nutrition. I missed the comfort of my bed, creams, laptop, etc.
4. I prefer someone else (someone better) plan things. While I like the freedom and flexibility of solo travel, I feel like having a local around or a good planner could be great for me. But my sensitivities do require a considerate person. If the “someone else” is a worse planner than I am, I’d rather plan myself. I guess I prefer a good planner take the lead.
5. I’d rather focus on my own health and hotness locally. While being away so long, the appeal of a settled life where I’m focused on my own wellness was very appealing. A life that is not cluttered or over-burdened with social obligations or… obligations in general. And I just focus on being healthy and hot, enjoying a hot boy (or boys if single), good food, and feeling good. Even though I like the occasional exploration and travel, I’m happy with it being short. In fact, I may need it to be short in general. And that’s fine. Max 10 day trips for further excursions, and maybe even shorter for domestic and Mexico/Canada trips.
6. I will likely die from GI or lung issues. I need to have a more no-exception regimen. My mom’s decline with cancer happened when it invaded her GI tract and she was unable to pass food through. And my dad died from pneumonia. My gut and lungs are also ultra-sensitive, with by gut shutting down at just some caffeine and my lungs flaring from dust. As an extension from my travel sensitivities, these are things I need to be EXTREMELY careful of on a daily basis as the sensitivities will increase with age, and one mistake can mean death. Even my GI issue put me near death’s door after 4–5 days of eating almost nothing. And I’m fucking 35. Imagine if I were 65. I might’ve died. “Rules” around diet and what I will/won’t do need to be stricter. And now I have good support to explain to people. I know, it’s always fucking social reasons…
7. Taiwan has the most sex appeal. I’m not really that interested in hoe-ing around except in Taiwan because of the twink-types I like and that fact that it’s easier to match up that way. HK and Seoul don’t have much appeal, and the language/culture barrier in Japan seems restrictive too. I’m doubtful of China (ie. Shanghai, but my friend did say there are hot guys there. Maybe I’ll try it out). This means I may be more open to non-solo trips. Or I’d probably do more planning, leaving less room for hookups/dates.

Right now, I’m just really tired from the whole travel: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I don’t want to socialize or re-engage with the gaysians, and I don’t want to travel for a while. But I do still have my Aussie/NZ trip in 2 months. I guess I can try to keep it super chill.

I feel like there are more reflections I have like where I want to take dating from here, socializing, new focus/routines, etc. And general life direction. For example, I think I love just living with my aunt/uncle, and I don’t even want to move out, even when leases expire in 2026. But the living situation may be more fragile that I thought: who knows if the landlord will raise rents randomly. And who knows if my uncle may want to just retire since he’s 65 now. This could mean he lives with his kids or they downsize. Who knows.

I guess I have the luxury of remaining flexible. Even though the stock market is not doing well, my real estate is not as affected by that. And in general, my net worth is about the same as 6 months ago, even after these travels. But also, even after a bunch of monetary payouts from quitting my side gig.

I almost purposely faded into oblivion during my trip, only posting 2 stories (one at takeoff, and one random one in Seoul). And I kind of like that. I don’t need all this noise right now. I need quietness and recentering.

One thing I liked about my last relationship was that we didn’t really care about social obligations. It was a time right after COVID, when those obligations melted away. It felt great.

After the breakup, I was ready to reconnect with gays more. But after half a year of this, I’m ready to leave. I know completely leaving is not great for balance, so at least going to things once in a while I will do, until they stop inviting me. I don’t really care to contribute and plan much. I’ll bring gifts and contributions when appropriate and when I remember. But it’s really just not where I’m going to direct my energy anymore.

There’s a part of me that likes a quiet life, while another loves adventure and exploration. But my sensitive body almost “needs” the more quiet life, with restrictions, in order to survive and be well. It kind of sucks, but it’s what I was given to work with. But I think I can be perfectly happy living my simple, local life in Socal. So much good food is within distance, and we have nature around too: beaches, mountains, etc — that I haven’t really even explored that much.

More reflections to come, but at the end of the day, I really am grateful, especially for doing this trip now. I learned a lot and eliminated a lot of future regret! That, in itself, is SO worth it. ❤