What I’m doing different this time (dating)

My Secret Notebook
2 min readOct 21, 2023

Today 10/20/2023 is the official break up day between Roy and I. We had dinner then chat in the car. He gave me a dual picture frame (after I gave him one Wednesday, but he had already ordered just didn’t make it).

It was a heartfelt break up. We texted touching messages after we got home. We kissed and hugged. It wasn’t a bad one. It was just a realization and acceptance that we had different directions we wanted to take (or not take) the relationship.

I want a life partner, and he does not know if he wants one. That means I will treat the relationship different than he would. And this core difference would really break everything down.

Now on to the main point. What am I doing differently?

  1. No more waiting too long.
  2. If someone lacks the ability to communicate or if I cannot be direct/honest without “acting up”, it’s a hard no
  3. If someone is not looking for LTR/life partner, then no

I am already at a no for attraction. So the other two are communication and priorities/wants/goals. I need to be more decisive and quick on ending things if the other two are a no. I tend to keep things going if there’s attraction. At least I think I should be clearer on the other two.


  1. Workout/get abs — Give it 1–2 months, a good time to recover/heal/move on a bit.
  2. Explore/travel/plan — Do more fun stuff I want to do
  3. Reconnect — Is there anyone I want to reconnect with? I’m fine just hanging out with Louis. I hate people lol.

After I workout more, I take some pics and get back into dating. But I’ll get Tinder premium and be selective. Maybe travel Asia like Singapore?

Singapore, Taiwan, Thailand… the first speaks English, the latter for exploration I’ve wanted to do.



My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.