What the fuck does God even care about?

My Secret Notebook
5 min readFeb 25


I think I believe in the Christian God, but not in the way that many would believe.

It feels like in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter that much to God the little day to day stuff, if they aren’t really relevant to any other “plans” God has.

BUT He’s generous and will help us out once in while if we are earnest and ask Him for help. But whether you get first place in a competition or not may not really matter to him, you, or the universe in the long run. He sees the earnest plea and might throw you a bone.

So then begs the question, what does God want?

I think the Bible has always been centered on God/Jesus forming an exclusive group of people that love Him, follow Him, and that He loves. Jews in the OT, disciples/followers in the NT, and the “saved” in the NT and beyond.

If I had to guess, which of course we might be very wrong, my best guess is that God wants a group of believers who earnestly and wholeheartedly love and follow Him. Fuck everyone else, He could not care less about who is swallowed in hellfire/death — that’s where the human concept of “goodness” ends.

God is really just about getting what he wants, which in some ways is the definition of true “righteousness” anyway. And it might not be what we think is “right” to want, but who cares what we think, right? lol. He’s fucking GOD.

God probably doesn’t care about all the nitty gritty details.

So then, why Jesus? There’s so much heavy theology behind it, but if we get down to the core of it, the Bible talks about sin and removing it through Jesus’ sacrifice. But why all the obsession over sin and rules? Isn’t sin and doctrine just extra stuff that God or we make up?

So few people already WELFH (short for wholeheartedly, earnestly love/follow Him). Does following these rules really get us closer to WELFH? Are they a phenotype of WELFH? Maybe the latter.

But I feel like the true phenotype of a higher level of WELFH looks different; of course it can look different from person to person.

To an empath, WELFH can mean helping people feel genuinely loved and cared for. And that can be coming from a place of loving God.

Is Jesus dying for us an “excuse” for us to have a reason to WELFH? Like a motivation?

Because it seems like it’s hard to find reasons for WELFH naturally. The only reasons I can think of:

  1. Repay God’s love from Jesus’ death (I hate this; it’s not about repayment imo)
  2. Loving him because he first loved us (reciprocation)
  3. Fear of hell (fear based, and not really super positive or healthy)
  4. Desire for heaven, power, immortality/eternal life, riches in heaven (seems selfish and self-seeking)
  5. Genuinely wanting to be good (inner natural desire)
  6. Gratitude for blessings (only works if you’re blessed?) or salvation (which is similar to #1 and #2)

The only one of these that seems “pure” to me are #5. However, #2, and #4 are often justified in the Bible. #3 and #2 are mentioned, but not double-downed on.

Here are the issues with each of these.

For #5, it feels like “goodness” and wanting to be good/naturally being driven toward it are a bit too predisposed. Think D&D morality alignment. Some people are imo naturally aligned toward good and they can’t help but seek it/do it. For “neutral”s like me, I’ve always struggled with no having that naturally drive for goodness. I CARE about goodness, but it’s not a naturally urgency, I mostly care about learning and satisfying my curiosity, regardless of if there is goodness involved.

My questions with #2 are regarding true “love”. When God commands us to “love” is that really possible? To me, love feels almost like an “out of your own control” emotion that perhaps you can foster, but isn’t there if it isn’t there. You can’t make me love someone I just don’t love. Sure, perhaps I can grow to love some people, but others I can’t if it’s just not there. That’s for me at least, and perhaps it’s different for others.

For example, say your love language is quality time/physical touch. Perhaps you just can’t really feel love if you don’t feel like God is physically there with you and talking to you with immediate responses. Sure it doesn’t mean He doesn’t care or not love you, but you aren’t receiving love in the way that you prefer, and perhaps that’s what’s preventing that natural compelling “love”.

The other question for #2 is that it seems “engineered”. God had to get Jesus to die in order for us to understand that He loves us? So that we’d love Him? And that was so important because of “salvation” which follows rules around sin and such that God made up? Sure, say it’s all true and just the reality of things. God still said some people could be saved by their own righteousness — Noah, Elijah, etc. Did he just come up with this Jesus track to increase his posse? Opening it up to Gentiles because Jews didn’t “reciprocate”?

The Bible is perfect clear that only a few are saved, but it’s also like God didn’t want it to be too few either.

And think Judas, he was doomed from the start. Perhaps it was already his choices that Jesus knew in advance, sure, but his personality, background, and predispositions kind of doomed him, no? And those things were out of his control.

Out of all people who are predisposed to goodness, honor, integrity, etc, only a few will really truly meet the criteria. Some may actually change and be saved for real.

For #4, it just feels too selfish and not really coming from a place of goodness.

So what to do if you’re in my shoes? I’m neutral (not “good”) in D&D morality alignment, and I’m gay. I have the views I have above. And I still care about becoming a “good person”, but getting less optimistic the more I learn about myself. I could get there perhaps with a “good-driven” partner or environment. But is my path toward WELFH just about doing good with my life? Things like organized religion and following rules just doesn’t feel like that’s anything that God actually cares about.



My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.