Why does talking about our feelings make Roy uncomfortable?

My Secret Notebook
1 min readMay 19, 2023

Yes, I’m going to fucking psychoanalysis the shit out of this.

There are a few possible reasons:

  1. He’s afraid of being wrong. I don’t know if this is true, but I can see this kind of fear and inability to admit true problematic wrong to be a legitimate fear for preferring to ignore issues over facing them.
  2. There’s past trauma associated with being honest and open. Perhaps in previous relationships, things always went a certain way, and he is predisposed to feel like he needs to start on the defensive or even offensive.
  3. He’s afraid to look stupid. Could be linked with #1, and he’s always quick to avoid this.
  4. Strong aversion to conflict/confrontation. He views communication and anything analytic as “confrontational” and “argumentative”, which for his MBTI is very much something he’d dislike. This is probably the core of it. Conflating productive conversation with unproductive arguing.

He mentioned “awkwardness” in bringing things up, keeping the peace, and keeping the vibe. Idk, he has gladly killed the vibe himself in the past. Was it always because I did something on accident to make him do that?

I think I need to ask him if he really feels like talking about our true feelings is unproductive communication. Because that could very much be a big dealbreaker.

--

--

My Secret Notebook

Quirky, curious, and philosophical Asian American gay Ivy League grad living in Southern California.