Yesterday was a low, today I got a blow(job)

My ex Ray posted on his IG story yesterday, and I was just spiraling. I really wanted to message him and get back together. I still knew I shouldn’t, and my friend Dorithy helped ground me.

My spiraling yesterday was compounded by a disappointing visit to a jack off club (no one really attractive at all there, super sketchy neighborhood/area), an earlier Grindr meetup, and a return to the K-spa scene the night before. It all felt so empty, and seeing Ray’s posts made everything extra meaningless.

But today, I had an amazing blowjob after dinner. I’m not just talking a blowjob. I was “edged” in such a fantastic way by this 23 year old at his house (parent’s house).

I have been edged years ago before meeting Ray, and it was always just not really the right rhythm or touch. But this guy knew how to touch me perfectly. The mouth, the fingers, the pressure, and lube/hands… He knew what he was doing, and he loved edging me too .

This great pairing really motivated me, unexpectedly. Who knew a blowjob would turn me around like me. For one, it made my body feel incredible. And two, it redirected my brain back to the idea that if I found such a great BJ buddy in less than 1 week after getting back from Texas and downloading the apps, I might find a good match for dating in this world, or even my backyard (this guy is 3–4 minutes from my house!).

While that’s all great, the truth is that I still love and miss Ray. But I’m more at ease today.

A lead for investigating potential foul play (maybe Ray used the apps while we were on break or while we were together; not accusing, just investigating something that confused me) is “secured”. I’m meeting him for boba tomorrow in SD at 8:30pm. I’ll be making the 2 hour drive down. And then back up. I have to, there’s no other way for me lol. I’ll bring sleeping stuff in case I’m way too tired and get a last minute airbnb. This is my top priority right now lol.